5 Things I Learned from Marriage


My husband and I have officially made it to year 1 of marriage. {Insert celebratory dance}. I couldn't be more excited to reach this milestone. It seems like yesterday we were going on our first "date," catching up, and laughing hysterically over fish and chips. Time has certainly flown by, but that happens when you're having fun.

With one year under my belt, I can certainly say that I've learned a lot. I wouldn't be me if I didn't take a moment of introspective thought to evaluate how much I've grown and learned over these last 365 days. From the basics of living with someone else to learning how to compromise, it has been a crash course of maturing. Of the many things that I've learned, here are 5 that I want to share with you in hopes that I could help you in your current or future marriage. Here goes!
  1. I learned how to be selfless. The odds were stacked against me when it came to being selfless. I'm the baby of the family, I've lived by myself for the prior 6 years, and I'm an introvert (surprising, I know). In short, I'm usually the focus. For all intents and purposes, my motto has been "worry bout yo self." Not so in marriage. Prior to marriage, I understood selfless as being synonymous to giving. I love to give! I give money, time, and possessions all the time. But, I learned that being selfless is a form of unconditional giving that's not dictated by my urge to give, but by the needs and desires of the other person. My being selfless is putting my sewing machine away or closing my laptop when I really want to be creating and talking to my husband about his day at work, watching sports, or taking a dreaded trip with him to Walmart. A year later, I'm still learning how to give of myself, in spite of myself.
  2. I learned to value another perspective. As much as we hate to admit it, we aren't right all the time. Our thoughts, actions, and opinions are shaped by the environment in which we were raised and the things that we've experienced. We see life through our very own window that is unique to us. Unfortunately, the window often prevents us from seeing a different perspective of a given situation. This became evident when my decisions were no longer "my" decisions, but "our" decisions. I had to understand and appreciate my husband's perspective on things, as he's had totally different life experiences and an upbringing from me. Now, as we discuss things I'm eager to hear his thoughts and how he views something. I even let him help me with Candy Crush levels, because he just sees moves that I don't.
  3. I learned to create new boundaries. The best advice that I've ever received concerning marriage is that you have to protect your own marriage, because no one else will. I've never let this slip from my mind. To do so, I had to learn how to create new boundaries that didn't exist before. Primarily, I set boundaries on my availability to others. This is a big one. While single, family, friends, mentees, and even the church had more access to me. I had more freedom with my time and allowed them to use it. Once I said, "I do," a new boundary was drawn around my availability. I no longer talk on the phone after 8PM when we're having dinner or catching up for the day. There is no spending the night or just dropping by. Events and meet ups are now planned in advance, talked over with my husband, then put on the calendar. I drew a line that others have to respect for the sake of my marriage.
  4. I learned to be a better communicator. Maybe this one should have been number one on the list. Anyone can talk, but not everyone communicates well. Marriage is one of those institutions that requires the communication piece of talking. Surprisingly, everything that you say doesn't come out as clearly as it was in your head, nor can your spouse read you mind. Imagine that! I've learned to have an opinion, but to then communicate why I have that opinion or why I think we should make a certain decision. I've learned to not just burst out crying once a month, but to open my mouth and share what I'm feeling. I've learned to not just get upset because something wasn't done, but to communicate my frustration. Being a good communicator takes the guessing out of your relationship and puts you on the same page. Good communication also helps eliminate disappointment from unmet expectations, because the expectations are communicated.
  5. I learned to laugh, a lot. If you don't laugh in your marriage, something is wrong. Seriously! You should be having fun. It is so important to have fun with your spouse and be yourself. My husband is the one person that I can be completely myself around. Because of that, we find ourselves laughing (mostly at my expense) a whole lot. It's no fun when it's always serious. Save that for work. I'm learning to enjoy my husband and to make the most of our time together. I want to create memories that we will still be laughing about 60 years from now. 
Overall, it has been such an amazing year for us. I can't even begin to tell you of all the things that God has blessed us with and the many doors that He has opened/is opening for us. We love marriage. We advocate for Godly marriages and we want every marriage to succeed. As we continue to learn, we'll share, because that's how community works. We grow and learn from sharing. For more posts about marriage and even wedding planning, click here.

So, what have you learned from marriage? What questions do you have for us? Leave them in the comments below.

CONVERSATION

4 comments:

  1. Sounds about right! Happy Anniversary! I am so happy and proud of you both.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The spending the night is no more...family members should book a hotel...I do have a guest room...yet that guess room is for my husband & I...my new to be sewing room

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! And yay for a sewing room!!!

      Delete

Share your thoughts!

Instagram

@FoAlexanderDIY
Back
to top