Today, I had a complete stranger reach out to me on social media disclosing that their marriage was on the brink of divorce. They had seen me posting about the marriage conference that my husband and I attended, wishing that they had known about it so that they could get counseling. Of course, I could only tell them to seek help from their local church. I was so floored that a complete stranger was desperate enough to try to find help from someone that they have never met and I wish that I could've done more.
My husband and I are just shy of our one year anniversary, so by no means are we marriage experts. We have, however, been under great coverings that have taught us the intent of marriage and the importance of investing in it. Without knowing the purpose or intent of something you are bound to abuse it. I believe that we live in a society where marriage has become a status symbol and a Facebook update. Couples are willing to pay upwards of $25K or more on a wedding day, but are unwilling to rub two pennies together to keep their marriage intact.
Marriage is a beautiful blessing when done right and handled with the care it requires. I was fortunate enough to see positive images of marriage in the home and within my family. Unfortunately, many others my age can't say the same. So we're left with a generation trying to figure things out on their own. This is why investing in conferences, books, and seeking counseling are so important. If you don't know, get the knowledge! Too often I see couples getting married without seeking counsel and the marriage ending before getting help. This doesn't have to be the case.
I've written blogs and even a book on doing your due diligence before marriage. But once you get the spouse, it takes work to keep them. Don't be deterred by hard work or trouble. Anything good is worth fighting for. You chased to get them, now chase to keep them.
Like the stranger who reached out to me, there are other marriages out there on the brink of divorce. I'll submit to you that there is nothing that God can't fix. I repeat, there is nothing that God can't fix!! If you tell it can't be mended, you're telling me there isn't a God. Put your pride aside and invest in repairing or enriching your marriage. The Bible tells us that divorce was permitted due to hardened hearts (Matthew 19:8). Not because I don't "feel" in love anymore, not because they cheated, not because they changed, but because our hearts become hardened and unforgiving. Knowing this, we ought to be asking God to create in us a clean heart everyday (Psalm 51:10).
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are divorces that are a result of abuse. I get that! I would never tell someone to stay in harm’s way. However, there are a significant amount of marriages where boundaries have been overstepped and there is plainly a lack of effort to reconcile. Society has made it ok to just give up, throw in the towel, and hope that the next person works out. If that’s you, I pray that God will remove the stones from your hardened heart and give you an introspective view of your heart’s condition. Seek counsel to understand those broken areas in you and your spouses life that may have led to an offense. Get wisdom on how to set new boundaries, begin restitution, and ultimately restoration. Remember, God forgave you for your indiscretions and the same blood that paid for your sins covers the sins of your spouse.
There are others who stepped into marriage too soon under the effects of infatuation, only to realize that the person that they married isn’t who they thought they were. For you, I pray that God will give you divine understanding and compatibility. Lastly, for those who are divorced, I pray that God will remove the burden of shame and the sense of failure that may hold you captive. I pray that He will fully restore you and that you are healed before stepping into another relationship.
I believe in marriage. I believe that it is God ordained. I believe that God can save and restore even the most broken of marriages, but you have to seek Him.
I’d love to see you and your spouse at the next Marriage Rendezvous. If you’re interested in getting information for the 2018 conference, please subscribe, comment, or send me a note and I’ll forward that information along once it becomes available. Our church will also be hosting a conference just for marriages that need more dedicated help and counseling. If that’s you, please reach out and I’ll get you that information as it becomes available. My husband and I are always willing to pray with and for you, so send me a note if you have a prayer request.
Peace and blessing.