You’ve been dating for years, your families are connected, you have mutual friends who’ve already named your kids, but the only thing missing is the proposal. You ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?” I’ve been there before… If you find yourself in that situation, here may lie the answer to your questions.
5 Reasons Why He Hasn’t Proposed:In no particular order...
He doesn’t want to get married….plain and simple. This very simple reality never crossed my mind until having a conversation with my fiancé. We were discussing reasons why guys don’t get married and he said, “Maybe he’s never seen a marriage modeled in front of him.” It hit me. Not everyone grew up in a two parent home, let alone knowing couples who have been married for 30+ years. For many people, the reality is a community of a single parent families where the parents were never married. How then can you aspire for something that you’ve never seen? If all you’ve known is boyfriend and girlfriend, baby’s mama and baby’s daddy, and shacking and its being further portrayed in the media, how can you aspire for marriage? There is no point of reference. You may be dealing with a man who doesn't aspire to be married because he's never seen it. In this case, simply ask him if he wants to ever be married. If your desire is to be married and his isn’t, then it is your responsibility to take it as a lessoned learned and move on. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” The answer is no. Either you’ll be brave enough to walk away, or you’ll forever be his “girl.”
You’re giving away wife privileges. From living together, to washing his clothes, cooking, cleaning, having sex and maybe his kids, you're pretending to be married without the commitment. Economically, it makes sense for him not to marry you. Who would commit when they're already getting everything for free? If you're already giving up wife benefits, there’s no value in getting married to you. Don’t sell yourself short! Men will do whatever you allow them to do and will milk it as long as you allow it. That's human nature. The old saying will always remain true— “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?!?”
You're not the one. Don’t be alarmed, this isn’t a bad thing! Not being the one for him doesn’t make you “unqualified” to be the one for someone else. Yes he loves Jesus, he’s handsome, has a career, and is the total package, but you may not be HIS Ruth and he may not be YOUR Boaz. You both can be great people without being meant for each other. So why is he still with you? Well, he may be unsure if you’re the one and is just prolonging things until he knows for sure or until he finds THE one, or so that he’s not lonely. Whatever the reason of still being with you, a true man of God would not waste your time if his intent isn’t to marry you. Know that you’re adequate and if his intent isn’t to marry you, move on. Check out The New Side Chick: I was Her.
He’s not ready. Maybe he wants to get married, but its been 7 years and he’s still not ready. He may not be prepared for the financial or spiritual responsibility. Furthermore, in the world of social media competition, he may not have the means to fund your envy inspiring engagement ring post. There are many things that go into play to make a man feel prepared to take a woman as his wife. Most men want to be financially stable, stable in their careers, and able to come to the table with something. If he doesn't have any of these areas in his life "together," he very well may be hesitant to take on the responsibility of another person. In this instance, be sure that he indeed wants to be married to YOU and that this is the person that God wants you to marry. There's nothing worse than waiting in anticipation of him getting things together only for him to be wasting your time with no intention of marrying you. Pray and seek God’s guidance on if this is the man that you should stay and wait for or if its time to move on. Time is your most valuable asset, so make sure it's used wisely.
He’s married. Let’s get real…some of you may just be the side chick. If you know that he’s married, you need to let that relationship go and pray away that adulterous spirit that you’re wrestling with. That’s one seed sown that you do not want to reap. If you’re only meeting him for out of town rendezvous, but he never takes you to his home or out in public, then you may just be a side chick. Oh, and for the record, separated still means he's married.
Being in an adulterous relationship has never been and never will be ok. Its one of the 10 Commandments for goodness sake! Staying in hopes of him leaving his wife and family is an age old game that has brought nothing but pain and shame to all parties involved. The rule is that he never leaves, so don't get your hopes up.
Whatever situation you fall in, trust God to allow his plan to manifest in your life and don't try to force your own. Know that God has a perfect will for your life, including who you marry.